Let me start this off by saying that Lebron James is an incredible talent, the dude is an insanely good basketball player, one of the best in the world. Ok now that I got that out of the way let me explain why I can’t fucking stand the guy. Warning: I’m going to be extremely salty.
I know this one is a little easy and he gets shit for it all the time, but he gets shit for it because it’s true! I understand he uses it as a tactic to win games, but fans don’t want to see it and it ruins the integrity of the game. We don’t want basketball to become soccer now do we? The man is 6 feet 8 inches tall and 250 pounds, and I’m supposed to believe you can be thrown around that easily? I mean c’mon Lebron, you’re just making a fool of yourself. And yes I know other players flop as well, but what makes it so annoying with Lebron is that he does it so consistently. Almost every play goes through him, so we just see him do it more than the non-superstars. So as we see from the video above he flops a lot. That’s obvious. So what’s even more infuriating than the flopping is the fact that he claims he doesn’t!
“I don’t flop. I have never been one of those guys, I don’t even know how to do it.” Really Lebron? Now you’re just insulting my intelligence. Does this guy even know that there’s replays? Does he even know there’s a thing called YouTube where people can see what you do on the court over and over? At least in game 4 of this finals series his flopping backfired and he hit his head on a camera:
2. He’s A Crybaby
Again I know this is something that all players do. All of the greats do it, from Kobe to Durant. But Lebron is the ultimate master of complaining. After every single play he complains the refs. It’s this sort of entitlement he believes he deserves which drives me nuts.
3. The League Is On His Nuts
This one probably bothers me more than anything else. If you’ve ever watched a basketball game with the volume on you might have noticed how in love the announcers are with Lebron. You can almost hear them rubbing their nipples while complimenting him.
Lebron will make a fundamental chest pass and we’ll have to watch 5 slow motion replays of it while Mark Jackson and Van Gundy talk about amazing it was, and that no other player can do it, and that’s why he’s the greatest player that’s ever lived. Really guys? It was a fucking chest pass that’s made by every player all game long! Ok I get it, the NBA needs it’s superstars. They need to sell jerseys. That’s fine and all. But a few games ago after the Warriors beat the Cavs and Stephen Curry was being interviewed on the court post game, they actually played Lebron James highlights over Curry’s interview! Are you serious!? And the next morning on SportsCenter the entire day they talked about Lebron, not one mention of the team that actually won the game.
I know this isn’t really Lebron’s fault. But I want to see highlights of the game, not a Lebron stroke-fest. Quick side note, what is up with Brian Windhorst?
He’s been following Lebron since Lebron was in high school…dude that’s fucking creepy. Everytime ESPN talks about Lebron they drag this troll out of his cave to pretend to the Lebron’s best friend. When Lebron when to Miami Windhorst moved and followed him there. If I were Lebron I’d watch my back, because I can see Windhorst breaking into his house to sniff his underwear.
4. His Play Isn’t Fun To Watch:
Let me explain. For every highlight of Lebron throwing down windmill dunks on the fast break, they’re 300 plays where he holds the ball like a football, lowers his head, and goes shoulder first into the defense. 99.99% of the time there’s a foul called and we get to watch free throws…how exciting. I get why he does it, he’s 6’8, 250 and he gets the benefit of the doubt on fouls almost always. But I’d rather watch finesse and team play over a dude plowing through the lane with his head down.
5. The Decision:
I can hear everyone now, “This happened years ago, it’s not relevant anymore.” Sorry but I can’t just forget he had an hour long special just to shit on his hometown by announcing he was going to Miami. The fucking ego on this dude to think this was a good idea. I felt bad for Cleveland. The only title to date they have is the Browns winning the NFL championship in 1964 (the first Super Bowl was in 1967). They had to watch their hometown hero give them the middle finger in The Decision, then win a couple titles in Miami. That’s fucked up.
Remember his first year in Miami when he lost in the finals to Dallas? Let’s take a trip down memory lane with Colbert to see how Lebron responded to losing…
If it wasn’t for fans of the game you wouldn’t even have a fucking job Lebron. Don’t forget that.
Whew, we made it. Rant over. Now before you get super pissed let me say just one more thing. I openly admit I’m a Lebron hater. I watch some games to root against him. I’m fine with that. Sports need their villains to root against. Show me someone that says they don’t root against a player and I’ll show you a dirty rotten liar. “But you’re just rooting against him because he’s good.” Well I suppose that statement is partially true. Who hates on players that suck? “Man I can’t fucking stand that Luigi Datome! Fuck that guy!” No, you’ll never hear that sentence ever. So in conclusion, yes I’m being a salty hater. And yes, fuck Lebron James.